A poem about my anxiety. (And maybe yours.)


Have you thought about
That stupid thing you said to a friend from school you no longer speak to?
You could’ve said this, or that
Something witty
Something smart
Anything but what you said then
With all the knowledge you have now
Do they still think about it?

Have you thought about
What the back of your dress looks like?
Is it too tight?
Lumpy, even?
Clinging to your skin, outlining every awful imperfection
The ones you’ve memorised
The ones you’ve yet to notice
Will it make Baba say “I’m not going out for dinner with you if you’re wearing that” again?

That was on your twelfth birthday, get over it

Have you thought about
All the people you’ve disappointed
By saying no
Or saying yes
Or by not saying a word
Or a word too many
By being where you are, where you shouldn’t

You should leave, now
Before they notice that you don’t belong
That you’re a liar
Faking it
Deceiving them
And yourself

Have you thought about
How you’re going to lie in bed tonight
And think about these things and more
And this “poem” you’ve written
And how silly you were to share it

And how it shouldn’t exist
And that you’re unskilled
And that you won’t do better, ever

And that when your back is turned
People will laugh
And learn
To not do the things you did
Is that the silver lining?

Have you thought about
How nice it would be
If the Earth opened up
Swallowed you in
And oblivion, blissful and dark and cold,
Will finally let you rest your pretty little mind

Or maybe not

Poem & artwork by me