Dear Indrani

As an exercise in my last therapy session, I had to write two letters to myself.

Two parts of myself, to be specific. The first was from the part of me that felt the emotions I've been experiencing, and the second from the part of me that observed (and, more importantly, commented) on them. Both letters were addressed to each other and have been left unedited. To be entirely honest, I'm not exactly sure what anyone gains out of me sharing this, but here goes nothing.

Hi, Feeling-Indrani.

I've been watching you struggle through these past two months. Things look bad, but I wanted you to know some things.

1. Nuclear it. Your friends are facing similar situations. WWISTT? (What would Indrani say to them?)

2. You don't have to try to look for the bright side. It is what it is. What matters is that you do what you can—not the best you can—and that's good enough.

3. Please take more showers. You feel better after those.

4. Don't strive to make 'perfect' things. It's okay if the bread doesn't have great ovenspring, bake it anyway. That in itself is what matters.

5. People around you need love and empathy, but you won't always be able to give it. That's okay.

6. You don't have to "emerge from this a better person". Just emerge.

Love,
Watching-Indrani

Hi, Watching-Indrani.

My first instinct when I read what you wrote was to just shut it down. A part of me still wants to do that, but it would defeat the purpose of this exercise. So....

1. If things have been difficult for two months now, shouldn't I adapt? Why am I still at square one? Doesn't it sound like an excuse now?

2. I'm ignoring WWISTT? because we both know I'm only good at supporting my friends, not myself.

3. I feel upset at myself because I think I've undone any progress I may have made. But I'm trying to remember Eris Morn's words. ("Recovery is a spiral, not a circle. You may return to the same patterns, but you will break free." —Eris Morn)

4. I don't want to make things or do things. I just want to stop. And I'm guilty because that would be unfair to the people I love.

5. I'm not expecting to emerge out of this a better person. I'm scared I'll emerge out of this a worse one.

Indrani

It's interesting how by the end of the second letter, I didn't call myself 'Feeling-Indrani'. Just Indrani.

_{Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash}